The Sad Life

Maybe it's just me, but all of the books we've read so far have made me... rather depressed. Stephen... can't decide what to do with his life, Holden's also jumping around but also has no real friends, and Esther just straight up makes me question the point of life. That isn't to say I have any suicidal tendencies and whatnot, but it does make my future a bit fuzzy... like I know what I want to do, but I don't see the point in it now? Maybe this kind of dark nature is something everyone goes through at some point in their adolescence -- I mean the books mentioned above are all coming-of-age novels. The point of this post isn't to rant about my feeling of helplessness -- I'm sure any senior dumb enough to load themselves with U of I courses during their second semester will understand where I'm coming from to some extent. Rather, I'd like to focus on the specific books themselves, and how they give off a depressing vibe.

First up is A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. I'm sure we can all agree that Stephen had his fair share of drastic twists and turns up until now. I really don't see much of a path of him becoming an artist in the future, considering that he's trying to escape from worldly influences (and leaves Ireland because of it...? Like the rest of the world won't have any opinions? He also left his friends and Cranly was like dude you're gonna be lonely and he says "I will take that risk" (Joyce 269) like seriously you sound like some spoiled brat trying to sound cool and manly like "look at me I'm so mysterious and independent and powerful" like boy you'd still be hiding under your bed if it wasn't for the priest -- why didn't you risk getting smitten hmm? You and your pseudo-matcho attitude... ah I'm ranting my apologies; anyways) and that he's actually hoping to fly away from his problems and he'll... just avoid them and become an artist? At least that's what the last line of the book implies to me. I don't think that's how it works though... running away from your problems that is. In essence, I don't really see much of a path to his life. Then again, we could view it as being quite adventurous right? Yea no who am I kidding I totally think he's gonna screw himself over -- but that's just me I may be just a cynical man like Holden.

Speaking of the devil, he's next. I guess I can't really complain all that much about him -- I mean he's failing school and all that and I don't see much hope in him attending a different one after he got kicked out of Pency. That's not what makes his story depressing though; it's not his cynical view of most people nor is it his unrelenting nature to uphold his own justice. In fact, I kind of relate to his own personal sense of justice... so really I like him a lot. Maybe it's because of his way with words but I really feel that I can relate to him (and I think most of our class can agree with me on that point). What was depressing was his interaction with Phoebe near the end of the book. I don't know... after his talk with Mr. Antolini and he finds out that he can't really relate to anyone, he just seemed like he was ready to do things on his own, but then Phoebe like tugs at him and is like "don't leave" or "bring me with you". Then he starts to realize (well he starts to show) how he can actually deeply connect with people with certain people, and how bad it can be to just leave them. The scene where Phoebe is innocently riding on the carousel while Holden watches her... that really hit me. Well, I'm not surprised since it brings up memories of my past... ah..

Last but (definitely) not least we have Esther. I don't have specific examples like the other two books that we've read so far, but I can tell you this: she's depressed, and she makes the reader depressed, and she just gives off a depressing aura. I mean seriously looking at the cover of the book makes me feel depressed. The only thing not depressing about my copy of the book is that it's new and has very few scars on it. How much do you want to bet that someone's gonna try to commit suicide in the near future (and guess who it's gonna be)? Esther feels so cold and distant, even though the language she uses isn't actually that alienating, besides her peculiar way of describing her friends and people in general (which is actually one of the few things so far that gives her some kind of life, or presence I guess? She mostly feels empty to me which actually bothers me more than if I feel like she absolutely despises me). I mean to be fair I kinda did sign up for this when I picked up a book by Sylvia Plath, but you know. Half of me hopes that this book won't make me too depressed, but the other half of me knows it will and is actually kind of anticipating how she will make me feel depressed. I've never actually read a book by Sylvia Plath until I picked up this one, so we'll just have to see what happens...

Sweet relief... kinda?

Ah yes -- Salinger. The Catcher in the Rye, the book that's supposed to change my life. Mr. Mitchell told me to put down that hype though, and I'm kinda glad he did. I'm sure I enjoyed (well am enjoying) the book much better than if I continued to have those high expectations for it.

By all means, I enjoy this book far more than The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. I'm not saying I didn't like the "founding father" of coming of age novels (well I guess I kinda am) -- the style just isn't my thing. Salinger's -- or I guess Holden's -- voice as a narrator is much much more colloquial than Stephens, making it a lot easier to read. He's the type of narrator who'd appreciate a "suh dude" greeting.

He's quirky though -- like if I read it "out loud" in my head it makes sense, but if I read it while looking at the text as a whole it seems... weird. It's hard to explain, so I'll use an example. Remember in the beginning of the first chapter he talks about his brother, and how he wrote a short story called "The Secret Goldfish"? I'll reproduce it below to remind us all about the voice:

"He wrote this terrific book of short stories, The Secret Goldfish, in case you never heard of him. The best one in it was 'The Secret Goldfish.'" (3-4)

Reading this out loud, it's like "uhuh tell me more" or like "mhm keep it going", but like seeing it on paper its like "yea no sh*t the collection of stories is named after that what did you expect". Or like here's another example on the very next page:

"The reason I was standing way up on Thomsen Hill, instead of down at the game, was because I'd just got back from New York with the fencing team. I was the goddam manager of the fencing team. Very big deal. We'd going in New York that morning for this fencing meeting with McBurney School. Only, we didn't have the meet. I left all the foils and equipment and stuff on the goddam subway." (5)

Again, these few lines are very wordy. You "just got back from New York with the fencing team" so no sh*t you were "going in New York that morning for this fencing meeting". These lines could easily be shortened down to something like:

"I was on Thomsen Hill because I was away in New York for our fencing team's meet with McBurney, but I forgot the equipment on the subway so we didn't."

Or something like that. Yet Salinger purposefully makes him repeat himself, and in a way his mistakes puts us readers at ease, not to mention how he lets us in on his "gossip". Being let into his group feels like a privilege since he criticizes literally everyone else in the novel (including himself), but since he talks to us in such a "buddy buddy" tone it feels... warm.