Split Peas

As we finish Houskeeping, we see the final moments of the main conflict throughout the novel -- the split between Lucille and Ruth. I'd say most of us wouldn't be too surprised with how things ended; after all, Lucille goes out of her way to remove herself from the rest of the family, going so far to move out of the house and live with Ms. Royce, the home economics teacher at their school. I digress -- I don't agree with all of the actions that Lucille took to have a more mainstream life, but I do get where she's coming from. Moving out to live with Ms. Royce was a good call -- I can't imagine living in such a rat/cricket (cockroach too probably?) infested area. Wait I meant a rat/cricket carcass infested area, with birds flying around a sea of cans and newspapers. There's also a huge litter of kittens that basically came out of nowhere. By moving out of the house not only does she avoid all of these... environmental hazards, but she would also start attending school regularly (I'm sure Ms. Royce would make sure of that).

It is evident that Lucille still loves her sister, as we see her anger when Ruth and Sylvie came home late,

"'I wish you'd take off that coat.' 'My clothes are wet.' 'You should change your clothes. . . It doesn't matter, . . . where have you been?' . . . It seemed Lucille was talking to me. I think she said that I need not stay with Sylvie. I believe she mentioned my comfort. She was pinching a crease into the loose denim at the knee of her jeans, and her brow was contracted and her eyes were calm, and I am sure that she spoke to me in all sober kindness, but I could not hear a word she said" (Robinson 174, 175).

So I can't wrap around as to why Lucille ignored Ruth at school. I mean, the supposed reason is for her to make friends for herself, as she mentions to Ruth that they both need to be more social, but that doesn't mean you should just straight up ignore your sister. By doing so, you're acting cold, which isn't exactly the most attractive attribute if you're trying to get more people to be around you.

Forgive me for jumping around here, but why did Lucille burn up the dress that she was making? I mean sure Ruth gets distracted a lot, but like burning the whole thing is kinda... I don't know it just makes me sad you know? She already put a lot of effort into it... I know that I wouldn't be able to abandon a project that I had already put so much effort into (which actually can be a problem but that's a discussion for another time).

As you can probably tell, I can complain about Lucille quite easily, but for Ruth... I can't really think of anything to complain about. Yes she's aimlessly wandering about and ends up helping Sylvie burn their own house down, but I can't help but feel that... she's happy with what she has. Maybe she's just so distant to us that she doesn't really complain, but there are just so many cute little moments that Ruth and Sylvie have on their own. Take their trip across the lake as an example,

"I said, 'I wish I had a hamburger.'
'I wish I had some beef stew.'
'I wish I had a piece of pie.'
'I wish I had a mink coat.'
'I wish I had an electric blanket.'
'Don't sleep, Ruthie. I don't want to sleep.'
'Neither do I'" (Robinson 170).

If you take things out of context, it just sounds like two best friends doing naught but watching clouds run along in the sky at their own steady pace. It's quite the peaceful scene! Of course if you add on the fact that not long after they're going to hop on a freight train it sounds really sketchy, but if you just take this small instance of time out by itself, it's really... calming for the soul. It's as if one has accepted for how things are, and decided to go with the flow rather than against it. It's basically the opposite of how I feel now -- I want to go with the flow, but I kinda have to go against it (this probably sounds ambiguous, but I'm sure some seniors could relate). I remember after reading this part I wanted to go outside, but it was rainy and depressing so that didn't quite work out...

The Lighter Parts plus a Rant (or really an extremely long rant plus a little light)

It goes without saying that The Bell Jar is a very impactful and depressing book. I remember on my trip to New Orleans when Ms. Denos saw me start reading it she was like "oh no you're reading The Bell Jar... it's a really disturbing book just letting you know. All of Sylvia Plath's works are so depressing". With less than 50 days left of my Uni career, I have plenty of things to be depressed about that are inevitable -- blog posts are one of the few things that I have complete control over. Hence, I want to focus on the one part of the book that made me happy for longer than 5 minutes, and that is Esther's relationship with Dr. Nolan (there are actually a couple parts that made me smile, but most of those periods of happiness are quickly interrupted by themes of self-destruction, mental unsteadiness, and just general brutality).

Before we talk about Dr. Nolan though, we have to talk about Esther's previous physician -- Dr. Gordon. To Esther, he can be seen as Buddy in the future -- a rich, handsome doctor with a complete and happy family and everything is just perfect with butterflies flapping around and fireflies shimmering in the background (ok the last part is a little exaggerated but you get the point). As soon as Esther sees all of this, she instantly knew that Dr. Gordon was gonna do smack to her depression,

"But Doctor Gordon wasn't like that at all. He was young and good-looking, and I could see right away he was conceited.
Doctor Gordon had a photograph on his desk. . . It was a family photograph, and it showed a beautiful dark-haired women. . . smiling out over the heads of two blond children. . . Doctor Gordon was trying to show me right away that he was married to some glamorous woman and I'd better not get any funny ideas.
Then I thought, how could this Doctor Gordon help me anyway, with a beautiful wife and beautiful children and a beautiful dog haloing him like the angels on a Christmas card?" (Plath 129)

So maybe butterflies and fireflies aren't that big of a stretch.

To be honest, initially I thought that Esther was over-reacting. Like common, it's just a picture -- you even admitted that you weren't completely sure why the photo made you furious. Two lines later though, I was totally on your side when he said,

"Suppose you try and tell me what you think is wrong" (Plath 129).

Like BITCH PLEASE we call you "doctor" for a fucking reason if the patient knew what the hell was wrong you wouldn't have a job you --

and right then a line that previously didn't trigger me before,

"Your mother tells me you are upset" (Plath 128).

made me even more ferocious. What sounded like "hmm I want to help you. What's up?" turned into "her der der (<-- those are douchy people sounds) aww did something happen to you poor girl" that I responded with "yea no shit something happened she came to you for a fucking reason what you think that she just wants to have her mother pay 25 bucks and your so she can feel miserable in your office?" She hasn't slept for a week or showered for three like um hello what's up with you and you're empty words like I know you don't actually care for her but common you're getting paid here at least try to pretend to be listening (and not ask basic introductory questions over and over again? I mean at least write some stuff down). "her der der" ELECTROSHOCK MY A** at least do it properly dipshit.

She walks out of your office and reads a flyer about attempted suicides. Good going you --

I mean damn I want to become a doctor but if I'm gonna be anything like you imma transfer over to the cs department like screw this shit, but thankfully Dr. Nolan comes and saves the respect I hold for physicians.

Ah right Dr. Nolan. This post was supposed to stay positive. My bad.

Well first off, Dr. Nolan actually pays attention. She learns about Esther's experiences, deduces that her depression stems from sexist propaganda (as discussed in class), which she assures her is bullshit by connecting her own life to her (about how women don't need to be under men, like how she is a doctor and not a housewife or whatever the notion of what women should do at that time is). See that's what psychiatrists are supposed to do. Oh also she actually performs electroshock properly and makes Esther feel better.

I guess what essentially made me happy was that Dr. Nolan was a proper caring doctor, and made up for Gordon (who was more of an insult to me as an aspiring physician than a doctor) being a shitlord. All the complaints I had earlier about Gordon... well I don't have those complaints for Dr. Nolan. And yes I'm dropping the "Dr." for Gordon on purpose. Who gives a damn if you have an M.D. -- if you're a dickhead who doesn't care about people you're a dickhead who doesn't care about people and that's all there is to it.